Parenting in flow, connection
Not in Control
Embrace Wu Wei Parenting: Nurture Calm and Confident Children
Wu Wei Parenting means parenting without control or even coercion.
The idea comes from the Chinese Daoist concept of wu wei—not forcing, but moving with life, like water flowing.
I am drawn to this idea because neither my children nor I like being controlled, pressured, or forced to do or learn something. When I look closely, I realise that much of the tension between my children and me—and even in my relationships with other people—comes from attempts to control.
I believe this work is both innovative and deeply important, because we don’t have examples to follow!
For generations, parenting has often been centred on control—especially fear-based control. Parents wanted to keep children safe, help the family survive, and ensure that future generations could continue.
But as human beings, we are longing for more than survival!
We need autonomy, agency, connection, and the freedom to become who we truly are.
And these are not luxuries; they are essential for us to thrive.
So I keep asking:
What could life look like without control or coercion?
What can we do instead?
Is it really possible?
I believe that a life with less control—and more understanding, trust, communication and connection—is the kind of life many of us are longing for.
"Love" is the reason I am doing this work
My previous job was as a Naval Architect. I could do that job from 9 to 5, feeling exhausted every day and earning a pretty good income. But after I had my second baby, I was made redundant,
I didn't feel sad; I felt relieved.
Finally, I felt free to follow my heart rather than my head. It has led me from one area to another—breastfeeding, unschooling, untigering, parenting, and so much more.
Beneath all of these, I think I have been searching for a deeper understanding of unconditional love: to love my children unconditionally, to love myself, and the people around me unconditionally.
I want to keep exploring it—not only as an idea, but as something we can truly experience and live out.
That's why I am here to be a parenting coach, to uplift the world through parenting!
"Thank you, Ma Yue, your parenting coaching sessions have truly helped me a lot- practically and meaningfully, it opened up a whole new world for me in terms of how to connect with my children, how to respect my children, to trust them, and to stay curious about who they are."
-Wang Xue
Hi! I'm Ma Yue......
I’m a Chinese mother embracing unschooling in the UK. Growing up in Northeast China, Mandarin is my native language!
My diverse identities make me unique!
I did a PhD in Naval Architecture in the UK. My research experience has instilled a sense of curiosity about the world, prompting me to ask questions and delve into various topics. I also appreciate structured learning, which is something the Jai Institute has provided me.
As an immigrant in the UK, I have come to understand how challenging it can be to seek help. We are often commended for our strength, for managing everything independently and raising our children with minimal support. Yet, no one reminds us, “You don’t have to bear this burden alone!” Perhaps true strength isn’t always about carrying more. Sometimes, it lies in recognizing when we can set something down, allowing others to share the load, and giving ourselves permission to accept support.
Having been a working mother myself, I resonate with the struggles that many working mums face. The world doesn’t recognize a role called “Mama,” which forces many mothers to juggle multiple responsibilities while feeling exhausted and overwhelmed, often just trying to push through the pain it brings. Maybe those feelings were never acknowledged; we felt the need to hide them behind screens, or we became so busy that we lacked the time to process them. I have deep understanding and compassion for working mothers.
Flexible like bamboo, or “rigid” like steel ?
As parents, we have been told every child needs boundaries, consistency, consequences, otherwise they will become spoiled, selfish, and wild. Normally these boundaries have no mutual respect, they are always strict, rigid, just like steel. But we all know steel is brittle and easy to break.
As bamboo, we would like to be a parent willing to negotiate, to adjust, to be curious, to repair. Bamboo looks soft, bendy, but it is strong.” - thoughts from untigering.
Traditional “power over” parenting for me is like steel, it constantly breaks us, and makes us feel like we are not doing a good job, we are not good enough.
But that’s not the truth. I believe that the real issue is that we’re not taught or shown how to be the kind of parents most of us longing to be so we end up slipping into the patterns that were ingrained in us in our own childhoods.
That’s why you need my help. Together we will nurture your growth, helping you become the gentle, compassionate, and peaceful parent your children need you to be. You will also be met with understanding, a non-judgemental openness and a supportive plan.
A Love Letter to You, Dear Parents
I’m writing this for the parents /mamas who are:
overwhelmed by the constant, intense needs of their baby, and wondering:
“When will I get myself back?”
“Is there any joy in this, or am I just being dictated by my child?”
“What is the point of all this?”
“I want my life back.”
“Is there something wrong with my baby?”
"Will this pass when they become older?"
Who may feel caught between two fears: the fear of being too controlling, and the fear of giving too much and losing herself.
who are exhausted, touched out, unseen, and desperately needing care themselves.
You don't have to do this alone, welcome to reach out!
You don't have to do it alone:
When you book a call with me, we’ll sit down together and talk so I can get a sense of what’s going on for you and your family and where I can offer support.
I’ll explain my approach and the options we have for working together. You can ask any questions you have and see what type of support would be the best fit for your life and schedule.
If it feels right to you, we can book our first session and get started. If it’s not a good fit, I will do my best to offer alternative resources or suggestions for support, wherever possible. There’s no pressure of any kind, simply an opportunity to see if we are a good fit to work together.
Let's Talk!
So that you can stop blaming yourself.
And instead take the first step towards becoming the kind of parent you know you can be.
